The TRUTH ABOUT ROMCOM SEX SCENES
Spicy, steamy, swoon-worthy, young adult, new adult, just straight-up “sex scenes inside!,” are all the new ways authors are referring to their latest romcom/romance hits. I am writing today to ask if these novels with the “toe-curling, eyes watering, scream-worthy” (their words, not mine) sex scenes actually need the climatic (pun intended) bang.
Sexual Settings
Let’s start by taking a step back and reviewing today’s erotica culture. Now, this can be a much lengthier and, honestly, harrowing blog post than what I am aiming for today. Please recognize that I understand the errors of the porn industry and the abuse of power that it has on thousands of women. With that being said, I am opting today to breach only the surface and may revisit the larger discussion at a later time.
We, as a society, have access to hundreds of possible erotica resources through websites, apps, and… books. I am sure you have heard the saying that “men watch porn, while women read it,” and from what I have heard from friends and through researching various studies, I would have to agree with this statement.
So, what’s the problem then? How harmful can just reading about the act of sex really be?
Well, dear reader who did not actually ask but I am pretending that they did, it is less about the act and more about the consumer. As I mentioned earlier, there are hundreds of ways to categorize romance novels that include sex scenes today, and yet authors continue to include them in the genre of “Young Adult.” According to the Young Adult Library Services Association, “when the term first found common usage in the late 1960’s, it referred to realistic fiction that was set in the real (as opposed to imagined), contemporary world and addressed problems, issues, and life circumstances of interest to young readers aged approximately 12-18.” As such, titles in this category were issued by the children’s book divisions of American publishers and market to institutions such as schools and public libraries.
The issue is that Young Adult books, as they are being written now, relate more to an age group of 16-25, but still receive viewership from the original age group, with some audience members being as young as 10 years old. This pattern is not just true about viewership of romance novels, but can be seen across the entire erotic sphere, as observed in a recent study, which concluded that “five decades ago, only 12% of college-aged women had seen a pornographic movie. However, a recent study conducted in 2019 found that 83% of women had ever viewed pornography online. Amongst these women, nearly a quarter viewed it before the age of 13.” As with most things in life, consuming too much at a young age can be detrimental to the growth and self-actualization of a person. In this particular case, too much reading of RomCom bedroom scenes may actually lead to issues with hyper-sexualization and lowering of one’s self-worth.
Additionally, it is not just one’s own self that these sheet tangling moments affect. Romance therapist Gretchen Anderton wrote her dissertation on the effects that romance books have on a reader’s sex life and concluded that “most of the study participants (75.5%) reported that reading [these] novels [did experience] an impact.” What happens to said participants if the books they are consuming are the ones being recommended by the “taboo” and “dark romance” influencers on BookTok? Together, around 3 million people are getting their literary recommendations from books that glorify the misrepresentation of women, hardcore BDSM and many other forms of abuse. How does that change a person’s sex life?
For The First Timers
Beyond these larger issues, there are a few other areas that concern me as an avid consumer of the romance genre that might have an adverse effect on a younger population.
If you are plotting your first time, my girl, romance books SHOULD NOT be the blueprint. First, and most important to get across, is that this is fiction. So, a few steps are allowed to be skipped over in the name of literary goodness but should not be missed in your own life. You will notice that there is never a mention of a condom; this is because there will be no pregnancy unless this is a pregnancy trope book. But, for you, dear first-timer, there might be unless you get on the phone with your neighborhood doctor and figure out some details about the latest contraceptives or, at the very least, introduce yourself to the condom aisle at your local pharmacy. Secondly, this will paint the picture that sex is easy as 1,2,3… wrong. Sex is a trial and error, especially the first few times. You are learning what feels comfortable, what you enjoy and what your partner enjoys, and because of this one should not expect to go off like a rocket in the first ten seconds, or even the first ten times. Thirdly, afterward, do not snuggle in each other’s arms and bask in the sweet glow of the great time that just occurred – well, yes, actually do this – but clean up first. PEE! No one needs the first time to end with a UTI.
The Flipside
As of now, I have only listed reasons as to why sex scenes should NOT be included in novels, and most had to do with the age of the consumer. However, there are some pros to including a good romp in your next Great American novel.
We concluded the cons side of this blog post by saying that romance novels may affect someone’s sex life, and I automatically jumped to the negative side of the narrative. However, Anderton actually included in her conclusion that while women were affected by romance novels, it was in a positive manner, with “(85%) [reporting] that reading romance novels has not had an impact on their feelings about their sex partners or has had a positive impact on their feelings about their sex partners.” Additionally, according to a scientific study by researcher Harold Leitenberg of The Journal of Sex Research, “women who read romance or erotic novels have an astounding 74% more sex with their partners than those who don’t.” The argument can then be made that women actually feel more autonomy and in greater control of their sex lives whilst reading romcoms on the side.
Another point to raise is that humans are naturally sociable beings, but struggle with speaking on raunchier subjects such as sex. Women, in particular, avoid the topic and/or lie to friends in order to seem less nymphomaniac despite what they are thinking/feeling is incredibly normal, if not, vanilla. The romance genre is the highest-earning genre of fiction, generating over 1.5 billion dollars every year. Women are not just buying these books to get off, they are buying them to feel comfortable in their own skin and in their fantasies.
Finally, as noted in an article from Daily Kos, romance novels are not just being purchased to read the very few sex scenes you might get at the end of the novel (and that is if you are lucky), but rather for the love story that the books tell. While modern-day porn removes women from being viewed as human, romcom/romance novels celebrate them. As cringe as it sounds, these novels actually give you a glimpse at what real “love making” (yes, I gag at that word as much as you) should be like. You spend an entire novel building to this one scene where the characters can finally shed all their layers (clothes and mental walls alike) and finally have a moment of true union. Let us be real, is that not what we all dream of? To have a moment where you can be entirely yourself, in love, without a care in the world? Perhaps novels show us the sex we deserve.
So, What Now?
If you made it this far, credit to you, and if you are just skimming the article, then let me tell you the conclusion. I think sex in romcoms and romance novels is not necessarily a bad thing; in fact, I would be lying if I said I did not enjoy it, but for the sake of everyone, it needs to be better categorized. And, of course, books should not be used as the blueprint for any sexy time in the bedroom!